Not Okay
by aspiegiraffe
Summary: For a bunch of profilers, they sure seemed to miss the signs that one Dr Spencer Reid was not okay Eating disorder, self harm, mental illness, depression, anxiety, suicide Will eventually become Morgan/Reid slash
1. Feverish

Feverish

"Shit", the alarm didn't go off, and if Spencer didn't hurry he would be late to work, and almost certainly get chewed out by Hotch. He quickly dresses in black slacks with a beige dress shirt and brown cardigan, brushes his teeth, grabs his bag and runs out the door of his tiny apartment, taking the stairs two at a time to get down to the parking lot, of course his car takes 5 minutes to start and then he gets caught in traffic, but he does make it in time if only by the skin of his teeth, he hasn't even got I've to think about the headache and chills plaguing him.

Reid rushes through the office and dumps his messenger bag at his desk, "Hey Pretty Boy", Morgan's greeting was met with a grunt of "need coffee" as Reid made his way to the break room to procure said glorious liquid. "Well good morning to you too" said a bemused Derek Morgan, it's not like his Pretty Boy to be so grumpy, "he mustn't have had time for coffee before work" he thought.

Reid's stomach howls at him for sustenance, but as usual he ignores it and simply makes his sugar loaded coffee, hoping this headache goes away soon and that if they get a case he might be able to sleep on the plane, he's so tired, even after 15 hours of sleep last night. He feels dizzy making his way to his desk, but just pushes through it and nearly collapses at his desk, starting on his paperwork.

"Reid, Reid, REID!" ... He jerks awake to find Morgan, Emily and Garcia standing over him, looking concerned, "Are you okay my junior G-man, you scared me, passing out at your desk there, is something wrong?" asks Garcia. "No I'm fine I just didn't get much sleep last night"Reid lies ", do we have a case?", "indeed we do pretty boy, wheels up in 10 briefing on the plane"

Reid collects his go-bag and makes his way to the jet, wishing he'd called in sick because he couldn't think of anything worse than a case right now, "I think I might be coming down with something on top of how bad I already feel" he thinks, flopping onto the couch and promptly falling into a restless sleep.

Hotch turns to Morgan "do you know what's up with Reid, he looks pale and unwell, and he never sleeps on the way to a case, I need him awake for the briefing but I can't find it in my heart to wake him, he looks as if he hasn't slept in days" Morgan sighs looking in Reid's direction "he said he didn't get enough sleep last night, who knows, maybe he used the vacation time to get him a lady friend and that's why he's tired", "I highly doubt that Morgan" says Emily "more likely he read all the books known to man and has a literary hangover". Hotch looks over to Reid on the couch, he's sweating profusely and whimpering, he rushes over to Reid and puts a hand on his forehead "guys he's got a fever, he should see a doctor when we get to Atlanta, Morgan can you take him?" "Sure can Hotch" taking his cell phone out he calls Garcia, "speak and be heard mere mortal", "baby girl can you tell me the nearest walking clinic to the airport in Atlanta" "why, what's wrong, is one of my babies hurt?" Garcia screams, "no ones hurt baby girl, but Reid is spiking a fever and knowing him he'd ignore it and get pneumonia or something" "sending the address to your cell as I speak, make sure my 187 is ok, Garcia out".

The case itself is typical for the BAU, the unsub is taking pretty, popular and blonde 16 year old girls on their way home from school, he keeps them for 3 days, during which he mutilates and tortures them, he stabs them to death and dumps them in backstreets like trash, Hotch is sure this will be a simple case, it's likely the stressor was the loss of the unsubs high school sweetheart, probably a divorce because of the anger, and he is also sure that the unsub is working up to killing the object of his passionate hate, he took the latest girl a day ago, giving them 48 hours to find him and save the girl. "I hope Reid is back on his game soon, I'm sure we'll need his geographic profiling skills ASAP" Hotch thinks, looking at Reid "maybe he needs an extra week vacation".

When the jet lands Morgan doesn't bother waking Reid to take him to the doctors, instead he picks him up bridal style and carries him to the car, much to the amusement of the team, JJ snaps a photo on her phone "Garcia is going to love this, it's better than photoshop!". Morgan carries Reid off in a huff.


	2. Thirsty

"Spence, wake up, come on man, I'm not carrying you again!". Reid stirs  
"Morgan, what's going on, are we in Atlanta, did I miss the briefing?" He realises he's in a car with Morgan, and sees the sign for the Atlanta Medical Centre out his window, "what are we doing at a medical centre, have we got a lead?"  
"No Reid, you have a fever and slept the whole flight, Hotch said you need to get checked out."  
"I'm fine though"  
"Doesn't matter, if Hotch says you have to see a doctor, then you have to see a doctor, end of story"  
"But..."  
"No buts"

The medical centre was somewhat cold and sterile in its appearance and smelt like bleach but Reid needed to get checked out, so Morgan flashed his FBI credentials and got Reid put at the front of the line, seeing as they had crime to fight and whatnot. Reid sat there nervously waiting for the doctor to call his name, hoping that Morgan doesn't insist on coming in with him, and that this visit will be quick because he just wants to lie down at the hotel.

"Dr Reid" the medical centre doctor calls out, Reid stands and follows him, whilst Morgan (fortunately) decides to stay in the waiting room.  
"My name is Dr Martin, what seems to be the problem Dr Reid?"  
"Well, I have a headache and a slight fever, and my boss insisted on seeing a doctor just to be sure I'm okay" Reid says, anxiety evident in his voice  
Dr Martin looks at Reids dry cracked lips, and pinches the skin on the back of his hand, upon releasing it, the skin remains raised for a short period of time instead of snapping straight back  
"Well Dr Reid, it appears that you are simply quite dehydrated, do you remember the last time you had a drink of water?"  
"Not really, I suppose I just got caught up in working on this FBI case that it slipped my mind" Reid lied  
"Alrighty then, all you need to do is drink a couple litres of water, and the symptoms will go away, and just remember, in the future, to keep up your water intake"  
"Thank you, I will do that" shaking the doctors hand "goodbye"  
"Goodbye Dr Reid" still grasping Reid's hand "also while you grab a drink of water, you might want to get yourself a hearty meal, you're a little underweight" with a chuckle  
"Haha, will do"

Morgan looks up to see Reid leaving the doctors office, "What's the problem pretty boy, you're not going to up and die on us are you?"  
"Haha, no Morgan, it's just dehydration, I'll live"  
They get into the SUV and start driving to the hotel  
"Let's go to the hotel, Hotch text me to say its too late to start on the case, seeing as its 8 pm and all the local LEOs have gone home"  
"Sure thing, I'm kind of tired anyway" Reid regrets the last part the second it leaves his mouth  
"Kid how can you possibly be tired, you slept the whole way here?"  
"Um I dunno just didn't sleep last night, it probably threw my circadian rhythms off or something"  
"I'm just teasing pretty boy, come on we're here, oh and you're rooming with me, damn budget cuts"  
Making their way to their room  
"You hate sharing a room with me that much?" Reid is secretly hurt by the comment  
"Nah, I just don't want to interrupt your sleep with my snoring, with those dark circles under your eyes, you need all the sleep you can get"  
"Nice save Morgan"

Reid doesn't even bother changing into his pajamas, he just flops onto the bed and falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow

**AN - tell me what you think, it's going to be a slow start before all the angst comes out, I'm setting the scene for a slow slip into a dark place, will the team notice before it becomes serious ... Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn**


	3. Panic

**CHAPTER 3 – Panic **

"No no no no no" Reid thinks as he wakes up, he's shaking, his mouth is dry, his legs are frozen in place, he feels nauseated, he's got cold sweats and he isn't sure if he can even speak aloud ... He's having a panic attack, Reid knows that these attacks last for hours and he hasn't got any Paxil, Valium or Stemetil on him, only the prescriptions in his messenger bag, no amount of deep breathing and calming thoughts will help him at this stage, the stomach ache he has and the overwhelming fear of vomiting he has is not helping the anxiety.

"I can't function like this, I need those prescriptions. Oh god I wish I'd kept taking the Paxil regularly, it will take nearly a month for it to start working properly again, but I don't want my life to be ruled by a medication schedule like mom, I just can't be like her …" Reid thinks

"Reid, are you okay, you're hyperventilating"

Morgan says as he sits Reid's bed, lightly touching his shoulder, Reid flinches from the touch and whimpers.

"Reid, what's wrong, come on take deep slow breaths, please just breathe nice and slow for me"

Reid shrinks away from Morgan and starts to cry

"Spence, please just tell me what's wrong, let me help you" Morgan is begging now, as he pulls Reid into his lap and holds him tight.

"F-rr-o-nnn-t p-p-p-o-ck-e-t-t o-f-f m-m-myyyy b-b-b-a-g, p-p-pres-cr-cri-p-t-tions" Reid says as he cries onto Morgan's shoulder, drenching his sleep shirt with salty tears.

Morgan pulls out the three prescriptions "These what you want Spence?"

Reid nods and takes a shaky breath "Y-y-y-you aren't s-s-s-upposed t-t-to know" he buries his face in Morgan's shirt

Morgan lifts Reid's chin to look into his eyes "What aren't I supposed to know Pretty Boy, you're my best friend, nothing will change that, I promise"

Reid sniffles and takes a deep shuddering breath "I-I-I-I h-have p-p-panic attacksss, I n-n-n-need the m-m-medicine to make it s-s-st-st-stop"

Morgan wipes Reid's tears away and begins to rock him back and forth

"I'll go get the medications for you baby boy, will you be alright for 20 minutes while I'm gone? I could get Hotch if you need?"

"N-no I d-don't want H-ot-ch to know, I'll b-b-be f-fine, j-ust t-ell Hot-ch I-I'm feelin-g u-u-nder th-th-e weather, a-n-d nee-d-d t-t-t-t-o sit t-today ou-t" Reid starts to cry softly as Morgan rocks him.

"Alright Pretty Boy, hold tight and take deep breaths I'll be back ASAP" Morgan puts Reid down on the bed, tucking him in and smoothing his hair back from his face

"Just breathe, nice and deep for me, in for 6 and out for 6, there you go, keep that up till I get back" Morgan kisses Reid's forehead and leaves the room to go to the nearest pharmacy. He needs to help his pretty boy to feel better.


End file.
